The workplace can be a pressure-cooker for weird behavior. From the crazy janitor who talks to his mop to the guy who hangs around the copy machine drawing "cave paintings" with spilled toner, there's just something about extensive exposure to fluorescent lighting that melts brains.
Here in the sprawling Weird Chronicles complex, tinfoil hats do double duty. Not only to they keep the alien mindrays out, they protect us from the insidious effect of flourescent overexposure. That leaves us free to concentrate on the weirdness present in OTHER people's workplaces. Read on and see what we've found in our peeks through the tattered venetian blinds of corporate America.
Everybody Remember Where We Parked
Everyone's forgotten a tool or two in their lives. However, most of us haven't lost one that weighs a couple of tons and has a V-8 engine. Police in Pensacola, Fla.,
managed to "lose" a police cruiser ... for a year and a half. The pastor at St. Mary's church noticed the car in his parking lot, but didn't say anything because he appreciated the "deterrent" effect of having it around.
This raises an interesting question: If a cop car rusts to pieces, and there's no one there to see it, does it show up on an inventory?
A Tooth For A Tooth
It sounds like a battle that would take place in a Texas bar parking lot on Saturday night, but this fight between Billy-Bob and Bubba
took place in court. If you've ever done the "Rabid Hillbilly" costume at Halloween, you've probably purchased a set of "Billy-Bob Teeth." They're the yellowed, bucked-out, misshapen fake chompers that one uses to give that intelligent, refined look to the flannels and overalls. Jonah White, creator of the teeth, was filling up at a gas station when he saw a display of "Bubba Teeth" that looked alarmingly like his own creation. He was understandably distressed, and filed a lawsuit to protect the integrity of his artistic vision. He won, but the maker of the competitor teeth plans to appeal.
If Court TV ever wants to REALLY make it big, they'll get into these sorts of trials. Nobody cares about spy cases or mass murders. We want redneck trademark disputes!
This Ain't In The Manual
Some days, it just doesn't pay to go to work. An Orkin man in New Smyrna Beach, Fla., was carrying the usual array of bug sprays, baits, and (this being Florida), flamethrowers. However, he didn't have anything quite large enough to deal with the pest he found at one house -- a 10-foot-long alligator weighing about 400 pounds. Alligator trappers called to assist the underequipped exterminator hypothesized that the reptile climbed a fence to get into the back yard of the home where he was found.
Now, I've spent PLENTY of time watching all the "mean critter" shows on The Discovery Channel, but I've never heard a WORD about 'gators climbing fences. This is an alarming development. I'm sure the Evil Squirrels are behind it somehow.
Adventures In Hygeine
Contrary to what the commercials would have us believe, special orders apparently DO upset some folks at Burger King. Two former employees of a Rochester, N.Y., Burger King
have admitted to lacing burgers with saliva and cleaning products when customers placed special orders. They also 'fessed up to "skating" on frozen beef patties prior to cooking them. They were busted after a sheriff's deputy became ill after eating at the restaurant.
Wasn't this a "Beavis and Butt-Head" episode?
Urban Legend Of The Week
With summer driving season upon us, I thought it might be wise to allay your fears about the HIV-infected needles reportedly affixed to the pump handles at gas stations around the country. The genesis of this hoax was an
"official warning" from "Captain Abraham Sands" of the Jacksonville (Fla.) Police Department. There's just a couple of TINY problems, here. First, the police officer in question doesn't exist, according to the Jacksonville police chief. Second, there has not been a SINGLE confirmed case of the needles being found, much less anyone being injured or infected.
Pump without fear, fellow citizens! Of course, the guy that just used the pump might have Mongolian Death Flu, but at least you won't have to worry about any needles.
Got Bigfoot munching on your vegetable garden? Space aliens making crop circles in your petunias?
Drop me a line.
Previous Stories: - June 1, 2001: Have A Weird Vacation
- May 25, 2001: Danger, Danger Everywhere
- May 11, 2001: Welcome To The Weird Wide Web
- May 4, 2001: Things To Do In The Dark
- April 27, 2001: Weird Omens And Wacky Portents
- April 20, 2001: Walk On The Weird Side
- April 13, 2001: Just Plain Weird
- April 6, 2001: Love, Weird American Style
- March 27, 2001: It's The Weird Winter Roundup!
